It’s not every day that I write to the King. But then these are far from ordinary days.
It was the Greenland business that set me off. I found myself recalling a map I bought some twenty years ago and, after a bit of rummaging, I managed to dig it out. Published by Natural Resources Canada, it showed the Arctic Ocean as an Open Sea (as it soon will be, at the rate we’re going).
But it was an almost invisible feature that caught my eye: a tiny dot called Rockall – once described as “the most isolated small rock in all the oceans of the world”.
We’re inclined to think of St Kilda as being the furthest outpost of the British Isles but Rockall is a whole lot further. More like a sea monster than a piece of land, it rears its barnacled back above the heaving, North Atlantic swell.
No doubt, after he has grown tired of devastating the Middle East, Trump will direct his attention back to Greenland. Whether he’ll take Cuba first or leave that till later remains to be seen. Either way, when it comes to Greenland he still has another deal to make. And in the meantime—thanks to the sagacity of the late Queen, who annexed this remote granite outcrop for the Crown in 1955—Rockall is already ours. Maybe we should make more of it.
As the Arctic Ocean becomes progressively ice-free, the sea-passages that link the Arctic Ocean to the other great oceans of the world are of increasing economic and strategic importance – and Rockall couldn’t be in a better position to monitor them.
We should turn Rockall into a sophisticated, high-tech listening post, positioned so as to monitor all the surface and submarine traffic traversing the Rockall Trough. As the natural custodians of the intelligence so garnered we could either use the same as an item of trade or, preferably, share it for the good of all.
The idea would be to drill down into the rock, hollow out a deep chamber and install a listening post, powered by wave energy and managed by an autonomous intelligent agent. As well as rendering the facility near impregnable, this approach will ensure that the summit of the rock can continue to serve as an important resting site for gannets, guillemots and kittiwakes.
Anyway, I wrote all this in a letter to His Majesty, more or less as described above but – if I’m honest – possibly a bit more fawning.
I mean you have to say things like proffer rather than offer as it allows for the possibility of rejection which, after all, is his Majesty’s prerogative; and you have to suggest that his Majesty invites rather than instructs or asks The Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty to examine the proposal. That sort of thing.
And, for those of you interested in the all-important details: the letter was printed in 12pt Baskerville, on white laid paper, and the envelope addressed in handwriting, using a fountain pen with blue-black ink.
Cost me a fortune – not to mention all this time
Just looked at the map. Great idea.Great spot. But I’m thinking there should be a human there to keep an eye on all this tech. I’d be up for a stint. Otherwise, it could be the obligatory destination of each failed Prime Minister, for at least a year each, a kind of punishment, and deterrent against the power-hungry politician! Well done Queenie. Look forward to Charlie’s response!